She would not let it beat her. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. We try to support each other. And tonight I'll fall asleep with you in my heart. She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. He was so close to me just like a little brother. Every time I see a truck like he drove it brings back my pain. I know its difficult. Someone once said you never get over it I hope that your grief process will ease very soon for you. Wedding anniversary his birthday. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. We were together for a year. But was suppose to be ok. And especially to those whove lost a spouse, Im so sorry you are in this rotten club with me the one nobody wants to join. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them just like, I really didnt fit into their life I wasnt their sister, their aunt, or theyre best friend. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. , I feel just as you do why leave me here my mother was my best friend my ladybug my diva I wake up everyday in so much pain it physically hurts Im scared of everything Im all alone it hurts like shit I cant even begin to explain. She died of complications from a routine surgery, and from the time I took her to the ER until she died it was only 2 weeks. Now. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. I have many photos of us of times gone by, and it,s good to see him in happier times, but now I long so much to hear his voice, It hurts to want to hear him again. He had cancer. That hurts. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, its empty. And I cant move on. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. weight I lost prior to his death. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. I wish the pain would just be more kind. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. The twelve month anniversary of my wifes passing came and I thought I would cope but I totally lost it. Oh precious fellow travellers. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. I lost my mom that I took care of for almost 5 yrs and I saw her take her last breathe and its been two yrs now and people act like should be over losing her and when all the people that have been lost this year from covid 19 its just reminds of what and how I lost her. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. Anne, and others, so sorry for your losses as well. I cant escape it. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I have days of no energy or ambition. I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. I feel the same. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. Waiting for that day. Nearly a Yr on that pain never goes away. I feel your pain .. I just so miss him by my side and our endless hours of talks. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. The pain never goes away. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. heart. I am sitting here sobbing ..reading these missives! When your spouse dies, your world changes. Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. Now feeling that most of life does not fit me any longer: not my clothes, my town, my friends, my houseeverything seems empty on the bad days.
Today would've been her 3rd Birthday : r/Petloss I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet Always believe she would come back..I dont tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move ondont know what to do and how to live. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). longing to see them again. When he died the entire family was crushed especially our Mama. I try to stay very busy . I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. No he said and as he sat on the chair with his head on my chest and me rubbing his back he looked up at me and said well maybe it is my heart and took his last breath. He passed fifteen days after our 47th Anniversary. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. I try to be positive and move forward. Absolutely no warning. I think I am depressed but dont want drugs. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. I will never be fine that was my baby. . I am in Year #2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in..But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain. I always wonder if this normal. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days For now, thats all were able to do. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. Just do what u are comfortable with and dont use this time to begin new friendships/ activities unless you want to. Isolated judged alone. . "A year without you has felt like an eternity. It has been two and half years for me and it is not getting better some days I think it is getting worse. It helps me to know that although I feel alone, I am not alone in my emotions. A whole lifetime of wonderment , joy and happiness wiped out, all our tomorrows gone, all our yesterdays so painful to remember without him, it seems like so cannot cry any more, like a numbness has descended into my soul, no laughter no joy. , Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Thomas Campbell. To say I miss him, cant never give me the He died in his sleep. I left the day they told me my husband was dying g to get my two young adult children. We have to carry on, remember them (I still find it difficult to use memories as a crutch, as theyre a reminder that hes not here!) It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. I want to be with my Harry. I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. How can we possibly ever recover. Its little victories like that will shepherd you into what WILL be a happy future. but when I am alone I just lie on the couch, cry, and feel sorry for myself. Hos short life was a blessing to those who knew him! The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . I just want to let you know that, youre not the only one that feels this way, and that youre not alone. I miss him so much and find myself crying lots.I want him back and I know that its impossible. I have a 22 yr old daughter who lives with me and a 24 yr old son who lives with friends . I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? I miss him so much and want to be close to him again. What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? Maybe I am afraid that I would one day forget the sound of my dads voice, his smiles and stories. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. I do not know what long enough means. I sobbed daily for two months. Also available in CD read by the author. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be. I can relate to nearly everyones pain, grief and hopelessness. Life is so unfair. My husband died 8 mos ago. All me best regards. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. He listens. Warning: If the Start_date is greater than the End_date, the result will be #NUM!. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. The next year was so hard. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. And had the door open when I came home at night. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. He was told he had six month and he lived shy two days of six months. I have lost all my strength without him. Its just about me now. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because Im not only living for me. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. I have come to realize for myself that I ultimately need to move rid myself of too many artifacts of our life. Someone asked if I was a widow. No this wont return the lost love in your life or change your story. seems to be hitting me harder this year.
DATEDIF - Google Docs Editors Help May God bless you and comfort you on your journey. Ever since my love passed away Ive had to deal with a lot of pain. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. I lost my dh 1 year 10m ago too. Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. Anything would be better than this. He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. He was 66. My mums been gone 7 years tomorrow she passed away 23/03/2005 due to melanoma cancer I was 13 years old I was very young and that was . I am living in France and English is my second langue. I keep her teddy in my passenger seat, her picture on my dashboard. But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. The medical services made that a nightmare but at least I had his support then. It was he and I for 37 years. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. My mom passed away July 2017, 6 months later my boyfriend passed in January 2018. Unfortunately, Im taking anti-anxiety meds on occasion to quell the freak-outs (which I dont like doing and had NEVER done before), but I seem to need them right now. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and I know my wife cant come back. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. grief come anytime. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). Good luck! You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. I shed MANY tears. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. It is still painful, sorrowful, and lonely. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. Its an ongoing struggle every day. Its not in my character, its not who I am. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. But the grieving does not last all day but while it going on its intense. Im bipolar, which does not help. 4) Mom, your memories are my life's only solace. 5. And while they still come, they come further apart. May God help us all. There's no "normal" path or timeline. You can see them coming. I think that people mean well. Thank you to everyone who has posted. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. I keep thinking if I try and do things like he used to, he will be happy when he comes back and then I remember. I loved her so very much and nothing in life has hurt as bad as losing her and the feelings of guilt and believing I murdered her no matter what anyone says. 5) Death thinks it can take you away from me. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. He did always know who I was and also his daughters even at the end. Yet, everyone loved him. Im very depressed and have terrible anxiety which makes my grieving even worse, Ive read through everyones posts and i can see i am not alone but in my world I am.
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